△2 – WEEK 1

Written Work – draft 1

Feedback

How is the reference specifically dealt with? Is it well-contextualised? How does the writing describe/analyse/evaluate/compare the reference? What’s working or not working?

• The text is well contextualised, especially the first two paragraphs
• The analytical part is somewhat superficial
• Good potential for further development of points, particularly regarding method, algorithm, and censorship
• Suggested that expanding the comparative analysis would enhance the written work in the studio practice
• Successfully demonstrated both similarities and differences
• Effective application of the theme in the writing, such as the concept of hiding specific words and secret words using red film

Is there a clear position articulated and enacted through the writing? If so, how is it achieved? How could it be improved or made clearer?

• Even though you have kinda conclusion at the end of the text, I think will be nice to define in a way, could be text or mix of visuals to see how you see your position. 

• The paper choice helps to understand you practice and establish a strong connection between your studio and written work
• The structure and flow of your writing really work and these made me to understand your statement very fluently
• The analysis of the position with the reference was well articulated

What methods, form or style are or could be used for this writing to make it formally or conceptually appropriate to the intentions? Give some strengths and weaknesses

• Maybe use subtitles to organise and summarise the text, have breaks between the paragraphs and communicate clearly the text.

• There’s a huge potential in the use of paper as a translator from your studio practice into your written work
• I think it is really simple and easy to read/understand

Provide some recommendations for next steps in developing the writing

• Better organisation and create a stronger connection between studio and writing practice
• Using both graphics and text to clarify the position and incorporating images of references for better understanding.